i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am one with the molecules
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
