im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
