dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
