Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
