Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you never un-have a 4some
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
