I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
