I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
