Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
