If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
