I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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