sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
