We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
