I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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