dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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