I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize