Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
