Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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