Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
