Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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