wrigley field is MILF paradise
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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