I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
