omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
