My first STD was from a foam party
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
