Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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