And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
