yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
