How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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