A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize