Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
