I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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