u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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