I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
