he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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