she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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