I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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