Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
