I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
