I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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