Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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