Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
