I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
