Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
