It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
