Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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