I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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