Soap is not a condiment
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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