She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
