it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
