Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
did i just pee glitter
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
