I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
