AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
