I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
