You can't motorboat a personality
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
