Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
