my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
