small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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