Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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