did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
