I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize