After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
