Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
