wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
