Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A+ Viking dick
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
